He must increase, I must decrease

The longer I am a Christian, the more I see I don't know anything. We live in such a way to cause offense and be a stumbling block to others instead of revealing Christ to them. How do I live in a way that only reveals Christ? Oswald Chambers said that "a person who is a beautiful sait can be a hindrance in leadning people to the Lord by presenting only what Christ has done for him, instead of presenting Jesus Christ Himself." That is what we do. But how do we live? If we remain 'holy' and separated, we seem self-righteous, stay in our own little box and minister to ourselves- we are no good to the world, no good to the cause of preaching the gospel to the whole world. We can become too spiritual to be any earthly good. However, if we go out in the world, instead of being salt, we are influenced by them and fall into compromise. Then others fall because they think we have gone astray. I see this with my own kids. I stay home from some services to study.. there is no law that says we have to be there everytime the doors open, I feel ok with the Lord on this, but they question why and see it as insincerity, this cause them to stumble. The Lord gives us liberty, but it seems when we use this liberty, it causes others to stumble. So the Lord gives us liberty, but yet when we practice it in open, it causes others to stumble, but hide it away and do it in secret, and it becomes hypocrisy. What a paradox it seems, but I know it cannot be. How do we make something so simple so difficult? How do we live in a way that is relative to the world, but still stand in purity and holiness, not hiding ourselves under a 'bushel'?

OC also said " God makes us pure by an act of His sovereign grace, but we still have something that we must carefuly watch. It is through our bodily life coming on contact with other people and other points of view that we tend to become tarnished." How do we also not accept sin in others lives without judging them. We judge sooo much, yet we make exceptions for ourself.

Lord, show me how to live in a way that lifts you up, that keeps me unblemished from the world, but that draws people to you. Help me to love an accept others, but not accept sin in my life.

Shake it baby

I've been doing herbalife 'shake the weight' for about a week and have already lost 4 lbs. It was expensive but it works great and I feel great. I do best when I have a plan and this is an easy plan. You drink tea and a shake for two meals. We'll see how it goes when I get off. I can also use different protein powder to save some dough.

Amberly is enjoying her visit with mom. She's been to the Zoo a Hibachi grill (she really liked that) the movies and other stuff. We will go back when my sister gets here and go to the science museum in ft. worth and a water park. She is starting to get a little homesick, but she comes home tuesday. I miss her too. I have been crazy busy- running all week, I had to go to texarkana 4 times this week and I mean almost all day each time. I did manage to get the house caught up, but didn't get near enough physics done. I put 200 rhinestones on Amberly's dress and I have another 200 to put on...

Casting the first stone

The work of God is like casting a stone in a pond. A stone is cast, ripples spread and go forth, join with other ripples and can cover the whole pond. The ripples are those that go forth a spread the gospel, those called to be evangelists, missionaries and such, the workers. The stone is the call of God. The person that casts the stone is the equipper, the who helps prepare and set the stage for the called to go forth. Not everyone is called to be the one that goes forth out in the world as the ripples cover the pond. Someone has to cast the first stone- the provide the momentum, the impetus for the ripples to go forth. It's like a chemical reaction- there needs to be some 'activation energy'. Some are called to go in and get things started. Don't ever think this is not as important as the rest. Equipping of the saints is vital. No one goes to battle without the proper equipment!

Siloam, next to my home I love you Siloam

Gettin' ready for church camp today. I am finally able to get excited about it. I've still felt so pressured, I hope this week is better! I'm just now getting to look over my curiculum, of course I can look at it some on the bus and I reread it each morning. I really like the theme. I hope to gain some new direction and "light the fire" this weekend. I'm really praying about what the Lord would have me to do as far as ministry is concerned, I'd love to go on a missions trip...

Whoa

Wow, I can't believe how tired I am today. I thought I was over *that* hump, but apparantly not. I am absolutely exhausted. I guess it's because in the past two days I have walked 3 hours (1/2 hour in the morning and an hour at night) and picked blackberries this morning, attempted to go back to foreman to the library this morning(which was closed), but after I got home, I feel like a ton of bricks. They haven't just hit me either, they are sitting on top of me. I have layed down twice to rest and feel that's all I need to do but I have two tests this weekend and two papers to start researching. I should not be anemic, my count was way up and I lost very little blood...so what gives? Is it hormonal or just my body healing? UGH I hate being tired!!!

I'm really irked too about not being able to get to the school and do my research. Shawn jr.'s truck is acting funny so he's parked it and is driving mine. Well I picked my car up planning on driving it and it sounds ready to die. I am NOT a happy camper. I'm seriously wondering how I will get ahead enough to go to church camp at this pace. With my school funds running late and tying up my 'regular' funds, it seems like everything is going the wrong way. I need to start planning the M&M Tea and the recognition ceremony, but I have no motivation and can barely get things done around here I need to. Lisa- if you are reading this, don't plan too much for 6 weeks after, just have stuff you can do if you WANT ;-) Don't take any cakes. You'll have more help at home I'm sure, but I would take it easy. I feel great most of the time, I don't hurt at all, but this weird fatigue is for the birds!

Too religious?

I have stolen Shawn's copy of "MY Utmost For His Highest" and am really enjoy it. I need to tell him it's in here if he comes looking for it. Today's entry talked about peter coming to the end of himself and his self-sufficiency, and being fit to 'receive impartation from the Lord'. I believe that is where the Lord is trying to get me. I have asked him to 'empty my cup' and boy has He. It's definetly not been easy being humbled. I wonder if I am there yet, am I fit to be a useful vessel again? I hope so! I'm also reading in Luke where Jesus heals on the Sabbath and the disciples are eating grain on the Sabbath. The Pharisees have a cow. We like to look at the Pharisees and sneer, but aren't we just like them? Aren't we too 'religious' sometimes to be any good or see the forest for the trees? We are so worried about what we are supposed to be doing, how we are supposed to live that we are missing the whole point. We avoid the 'undesirables' so we aren't 'tainted'... how can we minister and be a light if we don't get out of out box? Makes me want to jump up and do something, but it would be in my own will and my own power, right back where i started, so I wait.

recovery

Recovery is going well I suppose. Friday was probably the toughest physically. I have only had minimal pain (thanks to the anti-inflammatory toradol), but Friday evening I had a good amount to deal with. I went out of the house for the first time. When I get up on my feet too long or do too much, that is when I hurt. I did make it to graduation that night, but it took 2 of the pain pills (which i hadn't needed to take any of before) in order to sit through it. I also brought my pillow along which was rather embarrasing, not too mention flip flops with slacks, lol. Oh well, it was important to be there for my neice, so although I am still hurting a bit this morning, in the long run it'll be ok. The pain meds also kept me up ALL night. :( Shawn took me to finish my shopping trip this morning and I have to do some laundry and housework because apparantly I am just fine now :), lol. I do have to say, in retrospect, I should have skipped church camp and gave my poor husband a full time with for at least a few weeks before the surgery.

Hopefully I can get enough of a break today to not wind up in a lot of pain this evening. It really has been great while I was on the toradol-- minimal pain. Mornings usually go well, and then evenings are tough. Which is why having dinner brought has been such a huge blessing. Wow, I wouldn't have thought it would be the most important thing anyhow could do, and getting a phone call or visit being a close second. I will remember that Lisa when it's your turn and unless you decide you aren't up for company, will make it a point to call and visit whenever you like, even if I am really busy, I will make the time! Overdoing it also results in increased 'other' symptoms being heavier, which reminds me to be sure I am careful. There a lots of things on the inside that need recovering. He also said sometimes the cervix needs a little work and is first to show overdoing it (they went through there).

Hopefully week two will show some increased stamina, because it looks like I have the housework to myself now except for whatever I make the kids do. Classes start on tuesday, but they are posted, so when I get enough done in the house and get some rest, I might get a start.

faith without works?

"Who needs a doctor: the healthy or the sick? I'm here inviting outsiders, not insiders-an inviation to a changed life, changed inside and out".

I know that nobody is blogging here these days, so probably not reading- but I'm blogging anyway, that's really who the blog is for anyhow right?

So I've been contemplating for a while, are we really doing what we've been called to do? it seems all our 'ministry' is inward. Now, don't get me wrong, we have to build up the body and of course our children, but it seems we are always only ministering to ourselves, except for a few rare folks that wander in to us or those that minister to others on the job. Are we just playing church? We get in our little groups and live our little lives, not willing to be disturbed too much. Who's agenda are we running? So am I too focused on works? It's easy to think you are doing God's will as long as you are busy. yet, faith without works is dead (james 2:20) in fact, james 2: 14-26
What doth it profit, my brethren, though a man say he have faith and have not works? can faith save him? (hmm works can't save ya either) if a brother or sister be naked and destitute of daily food, and one of you say unto them, depart in peace, be ye warmed and filled; notwithstanding ye give them not htose things which are neeful to the body; what doth it profit? Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone. Yea a man may say, thou hast faith, and I have works: show me thy faithwithout they works and I will show thee my faith BY my works. .... but wilt thou know, O VAIN man, that faith without works is dead?... Ye see then (talking about Abraham offering isaac) how that by works a man is justified and not by faith only....so as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead"

Of course, my first thought is, 'well ministry to my family comes first', and that may well be true, but I think of the verses in the bible that also say to leave the family and pursue Christ and go OUT. Take care of your own house first, but do we put our family before God's will? I'm not sure...I'll have to study that out, but for now, what exactly is works??

Garden

Well it looks like no 6 foot tomatoes or giant cabbage again this year. The tiller broke, and he already fixed it once. He did get two rows in, but the soil does not look too hot, so we'll see how that does. IF the deer don't eat it all.:-P He wants to use commercial fertilizer but I think we need to build some natural stuff back into it. (We use fish guts, manure, etc). I also plan to start a composting bin-that'll be great to incorporate into the garden. We did manage a few tomato plants, some corn, squash and okra, but not a whole lot. So far no deer, but we'll see.

I've tons on my plate the next few weeks, makes me dizzy just thinking of it. District baseball tourny is next week (starting wednesday), I have 3 senior banquet type things in early may, stats final may 5th all my other finales, and a lab test may 10-12. (5 in a three day period). Dr.'s appt that thursday, Then family coming for graduation the next week, with the graduation party that sunday (and all the yard work and cleaning that goes with that), then graduation and then my surgery. Then I'll get a little rest, haha.

Spring Break??

Well, so far it's been crazy and I've gotten almost NO school work done. I've had lost of catching up to do. I thought I would get work done Friday, but I subbed for the coach and there was NO studying going on there, lol. I sub tuesday and wed. but I think it's for a regular teacher so I should get some work done. I've got to finish up my 'senior' project. (It's research and a 20 minute presentation. It's proving to be a lot more work this go around than my 10 minute talk. I'm looking at Senior pictures today (well supposed to she has called me back to confirm), run a few errands, then baseball game tonight. I hope to get the bulk of my project done. Then I sub tues and wed. I hope to get my genetics done and study invert. a little. Plus read my assigned book for genetics. I also have statistics homework to do. Thursday the piano is getting tuned and then I have to go for my mammogram. Friday is grocery day and more baseball. We have a game tomorrow but I'll probably miss that one.

I've decided not to get the satellite. standard install would have been free, but of course with all these trees it's just not that simple. I just can't justify paying several hundred dollars for internet. I found out I can get an antenna to boost my aircard (which is working better btw), so that will have to do. I just ordered it, so I hope it's here soon. One day I'll get it when I don't have so many other needs. Senior year is just plain expensive!

We had a nice shopping day yesterday afternoon. I would have liked to have more time, but that was my own fault. I should have kept my first appt sat and then we could have gone. I guess the game would have kept us home though, even if it was later. Amberly got some square toe boots and new tennis shoes. I got new running shoes and some shirts. Jr. got some jeans and shorts and Blake got new bedding and some shorts. I still have a few things to do, probably on friday. I hope to be able to run at least one day a week. My feet feel ok, so I'm gong to see how it goes.

The sore throat and swollen lymph node are back, but I just feel it's a waste to go to the Dr. It's probably allergies and if I happened to have gotten the mono that's going around, there's not really anything he can do. But we'll see, I might cave.

Dh is taking his BP meds, I was worried he wouldn't be a good patient. I still wish he would try harder to exercise and lose weight, but I can't make him!
Grace has found out she can perch on the back of the couch and peer out the window, that is her new favorite place (besides my lap). Well that's a long enough blog, especially considering no one is on here anymore and it probably won't even get read, lol.

Time to breathe

I've got time to breathe for a little while. I still have plenty to do, but no major tests next week. This is catch up time, and I am looking forward to it. I am happy with my decision not to go to the retreat, because I would not be able to catch up on anything, not even the house -much less get ahead in schoolwork.

I would like to spend the entire day cleaning, but I know what ever school work I want to get done, I better do it today and tomorrow. I'll do some light cleaning, but major cleaning is better done saturday. I do have to run a few errands, go see the tax lady so we can finish up, do the boy's taxes, go close accounts at Wells Fargo (we have moved to milway), and pick up some liver (to catch a "Planarian" out of the pond. I've got to pay bills also. I need to pick up my running shoes and go get a therapeutic massage for my neck, put in my graduation form for my associates and get some scholarship forms for Jr., but I don't like going to town on my day off and waste that time, but then I never seem to find the time when I am already there *sigh*.

I'm really enjoy my laptop and camera. I think I have the best pictures in the whole class. It is such a blessing!

I've got tons of stuff to do for class, read & outline the next few invertebrate chapters (oh and there were 7 chapters on the last test, not 6, I just forgot to read it!), two assignments for statistics (got a B on the test so I need to do more hw this time), read and study the chapter in biotech, boy were several of us lost monday! Those that have already had cell biology are at and advantage. We are starting labs for a while, which is going to be fun. I'm collecting those Planarians and whatever else I can find in the ponds, in the ground, whatever it takes to get ahead on critters also. It would be nice for warmer weather to do it in, sure would have been nice to do it last weekend!

sleepless in seattle?

UGH, the dog has kept me up for two nights barking. She has her days and nights mixed up. Otherwise she is doing well. I guess you might be wondering what dog? We 'adopted' Nikki rain's pomearnian. Blake has been asking for one and I thought that might make up to Blake for losing Freckles. She's working out pretty well. She's fairly well potty trained, not complete, but close. She is really cute and sweet. I di'nt like he rat first, she is just not Freckles, but she grows on you. Blake named her Grace.

So I sat at school for four hours in between classes yesterday, but I was too tired to really get anything done. Then my night class lasted like 10 minutes, which was great. But I wish I had tried harder bcause I have a mountain of laundry that apparantly only I can fold, lol. I have a dr.'s appt at 10:30, then I have to go to the testing center and take my statistics test, go to the lab and print of some stuff, hopefully have some time to study for my test tomorrow, go to my class at 2:45, then come home and go straight to the pagaent practice. I thought I'd fold clothes this morning, but I tink I better use what little time I have to study and fold the clotes tonight because studying at night just does not work for me. It's a good thing I don't need full alterness for statistics. I could take it tomorrow, but it would be late wednesday and I know I'll be tired then. I think I made an A on the lab test, but the lecture test I don't think I'll get an A on. I just haven't had enough time to study it all, but it really depends on which direction he goes. Some of it I know from the lab stuff. I'm praying he picks to the two essay question that I am guessing. Oh well, I better get with it! OH BTW, I assume NO ONE is blogging because I have no updates except for cakes?

breathe in breathe out

Well, the 'beginning of semester freak-out' is upon me, I am starting to calm down though. I think I will be stuck at home studying a lot more this semester. I was panicking monday, thinking I would have to drop a class. Invertebrate is a handful and so is genetics. I'm on day 3 of studying for my invert lab test(monday) and then the lecture test (wednesday). I also have a statistics test (tues) and a quiz in biotech (monday night). Then next week I'll have a test in Genetics (which is all problem solving yuck) and in biotech (probably both monday , but hopefully genetics will be wenesday. I should be ready for a break when the ladies meeting comes around! That's really good timing, so unless something comes up, I should be able to go. I really hope it works the same for the You and your girl conference. It looks like I should just be finishing round two of testing. That would be awesome. A friend of mine wrote a book called "My soul does sing", it's very small, but I don't see it getting read for a while with all this school work!

Tonight we are going to dinner and a movie with the Bate's and the kids are going to a movie. They have to bring chaperones of course, the more --the better, lol. Blake is stuck at home babysitting Amberly. Monday will be Jr.'s turn unless she goes to work with Dad.

Well, I better get busy so I can go to church and not wait until 5:00 to leave for the date tonight!

ACK

Ok, it's freak out time now. SOOO much to do. Invertebrate is going to be a very busy class. I picked up a new camera and a mini laptop which will help me out at school. Getting those last pic's was a nightmare, my old camera just didn't want to cooperate. It's going to be a busy week. I've got to start studying for invertebrate, it's going to be a lot of work to keep up with this class. PLEASE if you find any invertebrates (in water or on land) keep them for me. I need a total of 100 for a test grade and they are hard to find. Praying for the weather to warm back up.

We had lunch with Dennis and Rachel yesterday. She was looking pretty good, but definetly still tired. We didn't stay very long, I could tell she just wasn't up to chatting and was ready to chill. Please keep her in your prayers.

I did manage to get my haircut friday. I would have turned around and went to the hospital if I had known I wouldn't be in Dennis's way, lol. I woke up this morning thinking it was sunday. I hate missing church on Sunday, but I was at the hospital most of the weekend and had to catch up and I wanted to have lunch with the Bates since they couldn't make it to church. I better get busy, I'll blog more later. I need to read a whole cahpter this morning and do my devotion and exercise, all by 9:30 (not to mention shower and make my lunch)..... have a blessed day!

Full Swing

Well it must be time to get back in to full swing mode. I have that panicked feeling, but I know it will all fall into place. I've woken up at at 3 am the past three mornings and it is getting old. I can understand if I fall asleep early, but I was in bed at 11 so what is up with that?!?! Things have not gotten off to the best start, I was missing an important ppt (class notes yesterday), my camera is picky o betteries and I couldn't find the right ones and my partner's camera died half way through lab yesterday, and I have lost my flash drive. It was about to die, so I need a new one anyway, but I don't have one at the moment. Not too mention not havinga printer is a huge problem also since I am never on the other campus. UGH. Things will settle into place owever, so I am trying to remain calm. ;-) OH and I forgot that I didn't know my critters have to be kept ALIVE so only one is currently alive. I can mount a few specimens, but that takes alot more time. It's hard to id these bugs with no decent internet. I guess this is complaining day, sorry! Anyhow, if you find any invertebrates, bugs, spiders, shellfish, anything, please keep it for me, I need 100 specimens (it's a test grade so I want them all!) They are hard to find right now!

Today is Dday-I'm getting my hair cut, diving off the deep end and going short. I think it will take a lot of getting used too. I will feel naked and exposed. I don't have class today, which is nice, I'm sure it will be the only tuesday afternoon open. I have a presentation in that class in two weeks. Thursday and Friday will be spent organizing and reading and preparing that presentation. Saturday I have an all day conference, "Project Wild". I actually have a small book (curriculum) of their's, so it will be nice to have the whole set. I have lost whatever else I wnated to say, I guess 4 hours a sleep has me a bit off....

ready, set go

I better be ready anyhow, because the semester is here. really I am- especially after Friday. I thought I could watch them, but apparantly I couldn't Bear took Freckles to the highway and all it took was once. let's just say the weekend was pretty sad. The house is so quiet now without her and I miss her alot. I will have a really hard time replacing her, not too many people are breeding them. I called the man we got her from and he lost his male bulldog, so that is out. Full day of class tomorrow and then i am sure thursday and Friday will be busy getting back in the swing of studying. I hope to at least be back on the internet Friday and obtain a new printer in the next few weeks. PTL A&M has a wonderful computer lab where I can print everything for free!

Well I found some great deals at JCPenny's yesterday. All the kids were gone, so my sweet husband went with me and helped me pick stuff out and held piles of clothes for me. There was one bright yellow sweater that I didn't get and I am going back to get it today. I thought I had less money than I do. That will give me two full outfits. Plus the boots and other jeans I found before. It's funny I couldn't find hardly anything the week before and I found a ton of stuff right off the bat. Only took us an hour. I have to go back today and shop for door prizes and GA stuff.

Amberly has decided to do the Foreman school pagent. Oh boy. Tina will help, thank God. That is just not my thing and I have mixed feelings about her being in it. But she really wants to do it and it could be good for her. I can see how it got Marina out of her shyness. And I was reading about how Sarah Palin paid for school with pagents, hmm. If she really wants to be vet, she's going to need lots of money, LOL. I have finally reached the point during my break where I have almost everything done and can relax a bit. It only took 3 weeks, lol. Oh well, too much time sitting around is not good. I should be ready for school to start back next week.

Did Hannah announce the class last night in service? I wonder if she is waiting to see if I change my mind, lol. I am certainly enjoying it. We are just going through the new testament. hannah was at Galatians. Audie just continued the lesson in service. Sometimes I wonder if the kids catch that. If I were to keep it, I'd probably have to get some curriculum. They really need solid, foundational stuff. To know WHY they believe what they believe, not just because we told them! Anyway, I will do it until class starts if she doesn't find one and if I can handle it that would be great, but if not then I'll have to stop :(.

Freckles was acciently left out last night. She behaved and didn't have any accidents, so maybe we will be able to leave her out at night soon. We'll try another night and see. We have decided she has to stay off the furniture though, which will be hard to break. She is short-haired, but we still have hair all over the furniture.

I did manage to get my menu done. I had almost forgotten it! I am sure that is enough exciting information for now, lol.

the big chill

Ugh it is cold. 16 is the low at my house according to the thermometer Shawn got for Christmas. (I can read it in side, I'm not that crazy). Apparantly no one told Bear it was cold because he was been swimming in the pond in the mornings?! Got the house pretty clean yesterday, feels good. And what am I doing today? getting out in the cold and going to town. I have my xmas money to spend and I need groceries. I also have to shop for GA's, but will do that next week. Ladies meeting stuff today... oh that reminds me, I need to look up a recipe... Oh and I need to find out which bus goes to winthrop, get Rosia and Rachel's addresses and find out what bus goes where. I still need to get everything ready for GA's and get my desk and school stuff organized. Should be no problem getting everything done next week.

We have been seeing lots of ducks and some geese on the pond. That is nice. I only wish it wasn't too cold to walk down closer, lol. It seems I had lots more to say, but I can't remember it all now!

Shopping

I went and picked up my books yesterday, all $600 worth. UGH I could have saved a little bit online, but couldn't do that this time. With almost all of them being science books (which usually have to be the most current version), I wouldn't have saved that much, but probably at least $100-200. :( Oh well, I'm grateful to have them all. I stayed after to try and help Dina with some scheduling, then we all (Tina) went to the mall. I forgot my 1x sweater to exchange, but I still got a couple of things. Everything is 70% off. I wish I would hurry up and get my gift card so I can shop while everything is on sale. Sounds ungrateful doesn't it. I need to get to a printer (my printer died) so I can do the survey and get an extra 15% off. All my books look really interesting though, especially biotechnology- stem cells, DNA analysis,all sorts of cool stuff...

Callie decided to make life interesting last night. She came through the door with something hanging out of her mouth. I thought it was a rat and we were all yelling at her when she dropped a small flying squirrel, and no it wasn't even remotely dead! You should have seen Shawn Sr. and Blake trying to catch it!

tic toc tic toc tic toc

I can hear the clock ticking for school to start. Two weeks from tomorrow. I have so much to do it feels like. Really I have plenty of time, but it feels like I need to hurry! It's like my vacation is just now starting today... I need to get everything ready for GA's, shop for a few craft items, clean out the tub, yes Rosia, I said clean out that tub! I also need to find some seniors/widows that would like us to do a project for them. I wish they made Children's Minsitry day in march or april, lol. Feb. is cold and as cold as Jan was---ugh! Maybe we will have lots of housework to do...Anyway, the theme is 'hometeam' so if you now anybody in the church that needs help, please let me know... Lisa I need to put that in the bulletin...I also need to rearrange and 'spring clean' amberly's room, get the house in order and plan the ladies meeting. My spirit has really enjoyed the reprive. I am ready for a schedule again though, that's for sure.

Church was good yesterday. Audie was in a grateful mood if that is the right word. He seemed really happy to be back home even if his trip was short. I'm really bummed that I haven't been able to jog and I hope my feet clear up on their own. I'm sure I would be avoiding all this cold, but that ellipitcl is not the same as running. I really am grateful for it though!

I pray you all have a good week and a blessed year. I'm grateful that God put each of you in my life.