Siloam, next to my home I love you Siloam

Gettin' ready for church camp today. I am finally able to get excited about it. I've still felt so pressured, I hope this week is better! I'm just now getting to look over my curiculum, of course I can look at it some on the bus and I reread it each morning. I really like the theme. I hope to gain some new direction and "light the fire" this weekend. I'm really praying about what the Lord would have me to do as far as ministry is concerned, I'd love to go on a missions trip...

Whoa

Wow, I can't believe how tired I am today. I thought I was over *that* hump, but apparantly not. I am absolutely exhausted. I guess it's because in the past two days I have walked 3 hours (1/2 hour in the morning and an hour at night) and picked blackberries this morning, attempted to go back to foreman to the library this morning(which was closed), but after I got home, I feel like a ton of bricks. They haven't just hit me either, they are sitting on top of me. I have layed down twice to rest and feel that's all I need to do but I have two tests this weekend and two papers to start researching. I should not be anemic, my count was way up and I lost very little blood...so what gives? Is it hormonal or just my body healing? UGH I hate being tired!!!

I'm really irked too about not being able to get to the school and do my research. Shawn jr.'s truck is acting funny so he's parked it and is driving mine. Well I picked my car up planning on driving it and it sounds ready to die. I am NOT a happy camper. I'm seriously wondering how I will get ahead enough to go to church camp at this pace. With my school funds running late and tying up my 'regular' funds, it seems like everything is going the wrong way. I need to start planning the M&M Tea and the recognition ceremony, but I have no motivation and can barely get things done around here I need to. Lisa- if you are reading this, don't plan too much for 6 weeks after, just have stuff you can do if you WANT ;-) Don't take any cakes. You'll have more help at home I'm sure, but I would take it easy. I feel great most of the time, I don't hurt at all, but this weird fatigue is for the birds!

Too religious?

I have stolen Shawn's copy of "MY Utmost For His Highest" and am really enjoy it. I need to tell him it's in here if he comes looking for it. Today's entry talked about peter coming to the end of himself and his self-sufficiency, and being fit to 'receive impartation from the Lord'. I believe that is where the Lord is trying to get me. I have asked him to 'empty my cup' and boy has He. It's definetly not been easy being humbled. I wonder if I am there yet, am I fit to be a useful vessel again? I hope so! I'm also reading in Luke where Jesus heals on the Sabbath and the disciples are eating grain on the Sabbath. The Pharisees have a cow. We like to look at the Pharisees and sneer, but aren't we just like them? Aren't we too 'religious' sometimes to be any good or see the forest for the trees? We are so worried about what we are supposed to be doing, how we are supposed to live that we are missing the whole point. We avoid the 'undesirables' so we aren't 'tainted'... how can we minister and be a light if we don't get out of out box? Makes me want to jump up and do something, but it would be in my own will and my own power, right back where i started, so I wait.

recovery

Recovery is going well I suppose. Friday was probably the toughest physically. I have only had minimal pain (thanks to the anti-inflammatory toradol), but Friday evening I had a good amount to deal with. I went out of the house for the first time. When I get up on my feet too long or do too much, that is when I hurt. I did make it to graduation that night, but it took 2 of the pain pills (which i hadn't needed to take any of before) in order to sit through it. I also brought my pillow along which was rather embarrasing, not too mention flip flops with slacks, lol. Oh well, it was important to be there for my neice, so although I am still hurting a bit this morning, in the long run it'll be ok. The pain meds also kept me up ALL night. :( Shawn took me to finish my shopping trip this morning and I have to do some laundry and housework because apparantly I am just fine now :), lol. I do have to say, in retrospect, I should have skipped church camp and gave my poor husband a full time with for at least a few weeks before the surgery.

Hopefully I can get enough of a break today to not wind up in a lot of pain this evening. It really has been great while I was on the toradol-- minimal pain. Mornings usually go well, and then evenings are tough. Which is why having dinner brought has been such a huge blessing. Wow, I wouldn't have thought it would be the most important thing anyhow could do, and getting a phone call or visit being a close second. I will remember that Lisa when it's your turn and unless you decide you aren't up for company, will make it a point to call and visit whenever you like, even if I am really busy, I will make the time! Overdoing it also results in increased 'other' symptoms being heavier, which reminds me to be sure I am careful. There a lots of things on the inside that need recovering. He also said sometimes the cervix needs a little work and is first to show overdoing it (they went through there).

Hopefully week two will show some increased stamina, because it looks like I have the housework to myself now except for whatever I make the kids do. Classes start on tuesday, but they are posted, so when I get enough done in the house and get some rest, I might get a start.

faith without works?

"Who needs a doctor: the healthy or the sick? I'm here inviting outsiders, not insiders-an inviation to a changed life, changed inside and out".

I know that nobody is blogging here these days, so probably not reading- but I'm blogging anyway, that's really who the blog is for anyhow right?

So I've been contemplating for a while, are we really doing what we've been called to do? it seems all our 'ministry' is inward. Now, don't get me wrong, we have to build up the body and of course our children, but it seems we are always only ministering to ourselves, except for a few rare folks that wander in to us or those that minister to others on the job. Are we just playing church? We get in our little groups and live our little lives, not willing to be disturbed too much. Who's agenda are we running? So am I too focused on works? It's easy to think you are doing God's will as long as you are busy. yet, faith without works is dead (james 2:20) in fact, james 2: 14-26
What doth it profit, my brethren, though a man say he have faith and have not works? can faith save him? (hmm works can't save ya either) if a brother or sister be naked and destitute of daily food, and one of you say unto them, depart in peace, be ye warmed and filled; notwithstanding ye give them not htose things which are neeful to the body; what doth it profit? Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone. Yea a man may say, thou hast faith, and I have works: show me thy faithwithout they works and I will show thee my faith BY my works. .... but wilt thou know, O VAIN man, that faith without works is dead?... Ye see then (talking about Abraham offering isaac) how that by works a man is justified and not by faith only....so as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead"

Of course, my first thought is, 'well ministry to my family comes first', and that may well be true, but I think of the verses in the bible that also say to leave the family and pursue Christ and go OUT. Take care of your own house first, but do we put our family before God's will? I'm not sure...I'll have to study that out, but for now, what exactly is works??

Garden

Well it looks like no 6 foot tomatoes or giant cabbage again this year. The tiller broke, and he already fixed it once. He did get two rows in, but the soil does not look too hot, so we'll see how that does. IF the deer don't eat it all.:-P He wants to use commercial fertilizer but I think we need to build some natural stuff back into it. (We use fish guts, manure, etc). I also plan to start a composting bin-that'll be great to incorporate into the garden. We did manage a few tomato plants, some corn, squash and okra, but not a whole lot. So far no deer, but we'll see.

I've tons on my plate the next few weeks, makes me dizzy just thinking of it. District baseball tourny is next week (starting wednesday), I have 3 senior banquet type things in early may, stats final may 5th all my other finales, and a lab test may 10-12. (5 in a three day period). Dr.'s appt that thursday, Then family coming for graduation the next week, with the graduation party that sunday (and all the yard work and cleaning that goes with that), then graduation and then my surgery. Then I'll get a little rest, haha.

Spring Break??

Well, so far it's been crazy and I've gotten almost NO school work done. I've had lost of catching up to do. I thought I would get work done Friday, but I subbed for the coach and there was NO studying going on there, lol. I sub tuesday and wed. but I think it's for a regular teacher so I should get some work done. I've got to finish up my 'senior' project. (It's research and a 20 minute presentation. It's proving to be a lot more work this go around than my 10 minute talk. I'm looking at Senior pictures today (well supposed to she has called me back to confirm), run a few errands, then baseball game tonight. I hope to get the bulk of my project done. Then I sub tues and wed. I hope to get my genetics done and study invert. a little. Plus read my assigned book for genetics. I also have statistics homework to do. Thursday the piano is getting tuned and then I have to go for my mammogram. Friday is grocery day and more baseball. We have a game tomorrow but I'll probably miss that one.

I've decided not to get the satellite. standard install would have been free, but of course with all these trees it's just not that simple. I just can't justify paying several hundred dollars for internet. I found out I can get an antenna to boost my aircard (which is working better btw), so that will have to do. I just ordered it, so I hope it's here soon. One day I'll get it when I don't have so many other needs. Senior year is just plain expensive!

We had a nice shopping day yesterday afternoon. I would have liked to have more time, but that was my own fault. I should have kept my first appt sat and then we could have gone. I guess the game would have kept us home though, even if it was later. Amberly got some square toe boots and new tennis shoes. I got new running shoes and some shirts. Jr. got some jeans and shorts and Blake got new bedding and some shorts. I still have a few things to do, probably on friday. I hope to be able to run at least one day a week. My feet feel ok, so I'm gong to see how it goes.

The sore throat and swollen lymph node are back, but I just feel it's a waste to go to the Dr. It's probably allergies and if I happened to have gotten the mono that's going around, there's not really anything he can do. But we'll see, I might cave.

Dh is taking his BP meds, I was worried he wouldn't be a good patient. I still wish he would try harder to exercise and lose weight, but I can't make him!
Grace has found out she can perch on the back of the couch and peer out the window, that is her new favorite place (besides my lap). Well that's a long enough blog, especially considering no one is on here anymore and it probably won't even get read, lol.